A Practical Guide to Forgiveness, Part Two

Last week, I gave you five practical steps to forgiveness.

1. Focus on the character of God again and again.
2. Meditate on the Gospel.
3. Pray for their good.
4. In your prayers, remember that you have sinned too.
5. The ability to forgive is not in your own strength but comes from God in you.

Here are five more to round out this practical guide (certainly others could be added). May God's grace cause our church to abound with forgiveness!

6. Read your Bible repeatedly.

As you read your Bible, you will find that forgiveness is everywhere: the need for forgiveness, the God of forgiveness, the blessing of being forgiven (the story of Esau embracing Jacob after being swindled is a touching example in Ge. 33). Read the Word! It will soften your heart and calibrate your attitudes to be more aligned with our forgiving God who "will abundantly pardon" in ways that exceed all human understanding (Is. 55:6-9). God's ways of salvation and forgiveness are so much higher than our own.

Also beware of Satan's schemes to keep you out of the Bible and keep you in bitterness. Resist the urge to put the Bible on the shelf. You can begin to justify a lot of wrong thinking when you do. Let the Lord wash your wounds with his word. Satan wants you to fester over the wrongs instead of bathing in God's grace. Jonah ends with the LORD asking the unforgiving prophet, who was stewing over God forgiving and sparing the Ninevites, to consider one question: "And the LORD said, 'You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle (Jo. 4:10-11)?'" Isn't the comparison of God's pity versus Jonah's penetrating?

7. Consider the warnings about not forgiving.

It is quite shocking how serious unforgiveness is according to Jesus. His warnings carry immense urgency. When we do not forgive, we show that God is not truly our Father and he will not forgive us. "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Mt. 6:14-15). Jesus, by way of parable, makes it clear that those who persist in unforgiveness are like the unforgiving servant who is delivered over to "jailers," more literally torturers, as an image of eternal punishment. Simply put, salvation is at stake! "And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart" (Matt 18:34-35). Listen to the warnings. Don't delay to forgive.

8. Determine to go to the person.

When we have dealt with our own hearts before Christ, it is time to take initiative and go to the person who has wronged us. This is not to say that you will ever feel spiritual enough, ready enough, Christ-like enough. You are very capable of convincing yourself that you are not quite ready enough. Go! And when you go, be sure it is with gentleness. "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted" (Ga. 6:1).
Go to "gain your brother;" go with the aim of restoring the relationship. "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother" (Mt. 18:15). "Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you" (2 Co. 13:11).

Go in order to pursue peace. Pursue is an active word. You cannot be passive about this. Take action! Strive for peace! "So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding" (Ro. 14:19, see also 1 Pe. 3:10-12; Ps. 43:12-16; 2 Ti. 2:22).

Go with a heart prepared beforehand to forgive, over and over if necessary. "Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him" (Lk. 17:3-4, see Ne. 9:17 where God is "ready to forgive").

9. Do good to them.

Determine to do good to people you are struggling to forgive. This has the effect of putting your theology and your prayers of blessing into action. It is a lot harder to resist forgiveness when you are serving someone from the heart with their good in mind. What does doing good mean? Christ helps simplify this by saying "whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" (Mt. 7:12, see Lk 6:31). Treat people the way you want to be treated. Once again, Christ focuses his disciples on the active pursuit of God-like living.

Do good to them no matter how they respond. God knows that you may continue to be reviled by someone despite your gentle spirit, willing embrace, kind deeds, and gracious words. Christ himself knows this personally for "When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly" (1 Pe. 2:23). We must be like Christ. "When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat" (1 Co. 4:12b-13a).

10. Leave vengeance to God.

Finally, leave vengeance to God. You may very well forgive someone who continues in a state of rebellion and unrepentant sin. You may pursue peace but there is still war. You cannot transform the heart. You cannot control someone else. Live under the power of the Spirit and give all men to God, especially your enemies. God knows, God sees, God cares. His judgment does not slumber and his justice will prevail. Leave the vengeance to our Lord. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord" (Ro. 12:19).

I pray that the example that we have in God and the grace we have experienced in Christ will constantly shape our hearts to forgive as God has forgiven us through Jesus Christ. Let the gospel lead you. Let God's grace grip you. Let the Lord love you. Let the Spirit speak words flowing with forgiveness through you. And when you do, your heart will be lighter, your mind will be brighter, and Christ will be lifted higher.